That's Enough Internet for Today...

I'm not sure if this horrifies, sickens, or delights my childish instincts...

Thanks to themetapicture.com for this monstrosity. 

How to Properly Mail Your Friend a Cake

What you'll need:

• 1-1/2 Cups All Purpose Flour
• 1 Teaspoon Baking Powder
• 1/4 Teaspoon Salt
• 1/2 a Lemon's Worth of Zest, if you so desire
• 1 to 1-1/2 Cups Fresh or Frozen Blueberries
• 1/2 Cup or 1 Stick Butter
• 3/4 Cup Granulated Sugar
• 2 Large Eggs
• 1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
• 1/2 Cup Milk

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F, with a rack in the center.

Before you start anything else, find a pan. Since I was mailing this, a completely optional step, I used a loaf pan somewhere around 9"x5"x3". When you've found you desired pan, butter and then flour said pan. This guarantees a clean break-up. Your pan should eventually look like this:

Buttered, floured loaf pan. Photo by J.Cust

Now you can start baking. 

In a medium bowl, combine the AP flour, baking powder, and salt. Some people advise setting aside a tablespoon of this mixture to coat the berries so they don't sink while baking. It's an extra step I've never done, because I've never had berries sink. Either way works.

AP, BP, and salt. Photo by J.Cust

Melt your butter. Most people go for room temp butter, but it's easier, with this recipe at least, just to melt the whole stick. 

In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter and sugar. Then beat in your eggs, one at a time, and the vanilla. You can also add your lemon zest at this point.

Butter sugar, before beating in eggs and vanilla. Photo by J.Cust

Butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Photo by J.Cust

Now add you flour mixture and milk in batches. Flour, milk, flour, milk, flour. Make sure you mix well between each addition. At times, the batter will look...questionable... but never fear, it's part of the process.

Flour. Photo by J.Cust

Milk. Photo by J.Cust

All together! Photo by J.Cust

Now loose the whisk, and grab a spatula. This is where you want to be gentle, and fold in your blueberries. Those glorious, glorious berries. 

Frozen berries. Photo by J.Cust

Frozen berries on the batter. Photo by J.Cust

Frozen berries in the batter. Photo by J.Cust

Scrape your batter in the pan. Level it out, either with the spatula or by banging the pan on the counter a few times. The banging method has the added benefit of getting out any air bubbles, although this is a pretty thick batter where air bubbles don't have that much of an influence. 

In the pan we go. Photo by J.Cust

Pop that sucker in the oven for 50 to 60 minutes and bake until the cake is golden brown, and the toothpick you insert into the middle comes out clean. This is where it helps to know your oven. You might have to go over or under the time, so just keep your nose and eye on the cake. 

Halfway through the baking process. Photo by J.Cust

Baked and ready to come out. Photo by J.Cust

Out of the pan and gorgeous. Photo by J.Cust

TELL ME I'M PRETTY. Photo by J.Cust

Tea Time Four

Don't got forth. Do. Not. Go. Forth.

Something has been forgotten, which is the only reason I'm going back on that whole "last tea post for a while" idea I had floating about.

Sweeteners and other additives.

Now, some people may enjoy their tea straight, like black coffee. That's perfectly okay. Some teas need to stand alone to be enjoyed properly. But others do benefit from a little sugar or maybe some cream.

In the case of sweeteners, it really depends on your taste. Some people like really sweet tea, others may just want a little something to take the edge (not that there's usually a big edge) off. You can use brown sugar or cane sugar or artificial or whatever sugar you want, really. If I go the sugar route, I usually stick with the common white sugar, found in just about every supermarket. Sometimes, if it's a tea with a heavier flavor, I'll go with a light brown sugar. Again, dealer's choice. Which also means that dealer can choose honey. I swear I'll leave honey at that, because the topic of honey could go on forever. Just like tea...

In the case of other additives, it depends more on the tea. Floral teas, like jasmine or green, don't need anything. Seriously. Sugar or honey only. Chai, black, breakfast, those are the teas that have enough body to stand up to some cream. Not creamers. Cream. Go to England and they'll school you on this. I'm going to contain myself and make a sandwich or something.

Tea Time Three

I'm almost somewhat positive this will be that last post about tea for a while. Maybe. I don't know, because, let's face it, tea is wonderful and can be discussed at length with varying degrees of success.

Anyway, tea is hard to enjoy without the proper equipment, the most basic being a nice mug. I'm talking some heavy duty drink-ware right here. One that'll retain heat, but wont set your flesh on fire when you grab it. A handle that fits your hand, or, better yet, a mug with recessed handles, like this one. Something with a wide base, because humans can be a little clumsy and wasted tea is a dreadful thing. And a mug that flows with your style. Trust me on this one. No questions.

Once you have that oh-so-perfect mug, move on to a water-heating device. If you don't want to spend money on a kettle, use a small sauce pan to boil up some water. If you don't have a saucepan, get one, because they're important for life. Or, if you have a microwave, find a microwave safe mug or dish or bowl or whatever will hold water and take the cheap road out. There's something about microwaving tea water that isn't...right...

And then you'll need a vehicle to steep the tea in. There are tea balls, quirky, punny infusers, french presses, and a slew of other things to help in the tea brewing process. You really don't need to be that picky, unless you have a loose leaf that's fine in the texture department, like rooibos. I've had that slip through my tea ball and leave lovely sticks throughout. Not the worst thing, but not the best either.  

Go forth, my children, and enjoy.

Tea Time Two

A couple of things. First, I'm on a tea bender. But not really a bender, because tea is kind of an every day thing for me, instead of just a 'bender.' Maybe 'addiction' is a better term. Second, some people are stuck in a sad whole where they only experience the slightly depressing sachets of practically powdered tea.

That does not mean every boxed or bagged tea is bad. Some of them are actually pretty good, quality wise. An easy way to tell is the texture of whatever is lurking inside the sachet. If it's a chunkier creation, where you can actually see separate leaves or spices, you're golden. However, the finer the contents, the poorer the tea. If you're in a pinch and just trying to get a caffeine fix in for the day, sure, use that sad tea. But if you're looking for a more enjoyable experience, find a that has some texture. Or, better yet, go loose leaf.

You can find loose leaf at a lot of stores, but if you want LOOSE LEAF, instead of just, you know, loose leaf, try a local co-op or natural living center, or even sites like Teavana. Places like these offer organic, fair trade, loose leaf teas that play delightfully on one's pallet. You can also pick up the necessary equipment for your loose leaf, if you aren't already and avid user.  

More on that later, because right now, sleep.

Tea

I would die without tea. I realize I made smoothies sound like the end all earlier, but seriously, tea is where it's at. Need some caffeine? Tea. Don't want coffee breath? Tea. Want to impress that guy in the cubicle next to yours with some really herbal, zen mannerism? Tea. No joke, you'll turn into an exotic enigma, possibly laden with an ironic beard. 

Take that, cubicle guy.

Anyway, one of the best teas I've come across is a gunpowder green. This variety of green tea leaf is rolled so that, believe it or not, it looks like gunpowder. Following that theme, the flavor is slightly smoky, too, and one of the stronger varieties of green. It's a great punch in the winter morning. I haven't tried it yet, but it'd probably be nice iced, sitting on a porch at dusk, watching sparrows flit back and forth and listening to crickets chirrup in the long grass. 

Or something like that, you know, whatever floats your tea boat.

Thanks to 123rf.com for the obscure, royalty free image of gunpowder green tea

Smoothies Are My Best Friend

You cannot go wrong with a smoothie. Ever. It's creamy and fruity and you can hide good-for-you things in them and no one will ever be the wiser, unless, for some reason, you let slip that you put whey protein in when they weren't looking. Don't do that, though. Seriously. Just put things in and serve that smoothie up and grin when they can't quite place everything residing in the frozen delicacy. 

There are even cheat sheets to make these heavenly creatures, even though, let's face it, they're pretty hard to mess up. 

 

Thanks to superskinnyme.com for this joyous graphic.